Gut-Wrenching Miserable

Why do I count on people? Why do I count on anyone? Why do I think anyone will be there for me? Why do I pretend that anyone cares about me or understands? No one understands what I feel, nor does anyone need to. I am living in a lonely world, that isn't so lonely, because there are a million other people out there alone in their thoughts. I am border line crazy.. No one knows it, but everyone can see it. I am depressed from every thought I feel, every thought I see, and every thought I am going to see or feel. I wanted to be worth more than what I am, but I'm not worth much of anything. Do you see why this is dangerous yet? Do you understand why I am not worth your time? I am insane at the sight of hurt and pain from you, I go a little more insane when I think I might be losing you, and I go even more insane when I think I am hurting you. I don't want to date you anymore, I don't even want to be with you at all anymore. I hate everything. I hate myself, and if I could, sometimes I would lay down and die.. but apparently that's not an option.